


End to Denial

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Reader-Insert, emotional cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 23:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12758505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: A shifted perspective of a piece I did a while ago called Me or Her. Instead of the Reader's perspective, it's Spencer's.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	End to Denial

Finally! After what felt like decades, but was probably only a year and a half, Spencer had found someone that could help his intense migraines. “Y/N! I think I found someone that can help me with my migraines.”

She spun around, knowing how hard it had been on him to be in such pain without knowing the cause. “Who is it?”

Spencer had done so much searching that people had started to bleed into one another, but this one stood out; she was one of the few women he’d come across, and the only geneticist. 

“What will she be able to do?” Y/N asked.

He rambled, telling her exactly how he’d gone about obtaining her consult. She’d asked to see his numerous CAT scans and MRIs. Once she saw them, she’d be able to devise a plan, a vitamin regimen, that might help the migraines go away. “She might be able to recommend something other doctors haven’t thought of.”

“Go for it,” she said. “Can’t hurt.”

—-

How had he gotten here?

It started innocently enough. After Maeve had prescribed a vigorous vitamin regimen, he’d started calling her periodically to update her on his condition. Seven months had gone by and his migraines had all but disappeared; he felt totally and completely indebted to her. Without a cure for his migraines, he was not only getting burnt out physically, but emotionally too. 

Physically, he was great; Spencer had never felt better, but emotionally…he was worse off than before. Something was stirring in him and he was hesitant to name it. Y/N was the love of his life - at least, he’d always thought so, but there was something about Maeve he really liked, and for months now, he’d called her more often than was necessary. Y/N didn’t seem to mind, although occasionally she did ask why he was calling for the second time in a week. Before he could stop himself, he found himself making up some kind of medical excuse, or claiming that Maeve wanted to use his results for a study. 

Why was he making excuses? 

He knew; of course he knew.

But he couldn’t name it. If he did, then it became real, and if it became real then he’d be forced to choose between her and Y/N. Maeve was his equal in every way; the conversations they had were effortless and soothing, but Y/N was his complement. While he was shy, she was outgoing. He was quiet, she was loud. He was a homebody and she was adventurous. They were the perfect combination of two people and he loved her so much. Was it possible to be in love with two people? He believed so. What else could this feeling be? Why else did his face light up when Maeve called? Why did he make excuses to talk to her if he wasn’t in love with her?

As he emerged from his and Y/N’s bedroom after another needless phone call, Y/N spun around and screamed. Her face was beat red, her eyes were puffy from crying, and her voice…it cut right through him. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“What do you mean?” 

“Her! Make a choice or get the fuck out. I’m done being hurt by you - the one man I thought would never hurt me is causing me undeniable pain, and I refuse to do it anymore.”

“Y/N, why are you doing this? I love you.” Why was he even trying to deny this? Why was he trying to claim anything other than the truth?

Her voice shook as she lifted her hands to wipe the tears away from her eyes. “I love you, too.” Why did this happen? Why did he fall for someone else? Her eyes bore into him, the signs of betrayal and hurt so sharp they dug into him like a knife, each tear twisting the blade in his gut. “I believe you. That’s why it hurts so much. You are developing feelings for someone else. You love someone else too, and I can’t continue to watch it. It’s killing me.” She clutched at her heart. “Every time your face lights up, I can tell it’s her. Every time you take a call from her my heart feels like it’s wrenching out of my chest.”

“Who am I in love with?” Spencer couldn’t help the words coming out of his mouth, because he still couldn’t admit them to himself.

“Maeve!” She screamed; he heard her vocal chords tear themselves to shreds. “I thought she was a godsend. She took away your pain, but you transferred it to me. It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. All I did was love you.” She continued to rant to his horror and shame. Everything she said was true. He was in love with her. He had no idea how it happened or why, but he loved Maeve, and he loved Y/N too. “When it comes to you, I’m selfish,” she continued. “I want you for myself. So you need to choose? Is it me or her?” A coughing fit overtook her as she finished speaking, the breath being pulled from her lungs with each word. Heated tears streamed down her face. “I want you to leave until you can figure out what you want.”

“Y/N, please don’t do this. I love you.” He meant it. Spencer truly did love her; he couldn’t lose her. He tried everything he could think of to get her to take it back, asking why Maeve was any different from JJ or Emily or Garcia. Of course, he was again met with the truth. He was friends with them, but Maeve was different. 

“We work together, so I will continue to be professional, but until you can figure out what you want I need you to leave.” She’d been crying so hard and was so out of breath that she looked like she wanted to throw up. “I hope you come back, because I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but if you come back, it needs to be without her in any way. It’s me or her.”

—-

“Okay kid,” Morgan said nearly three weeks after Y/N had kicked him out of their apartment. “Spill. The tension between you and Y/N could be cut with a knife. What the hell is up with you two?” He’d been staying with Morgan, but he refused to talk about what happened until now.

Of course, Y/N had kept true to her word, saying nothing about what happened between them. They weren’t PDA-heavy in the office anyway, so very little had changed about the team dynamic, except that they didn’t interact as much as they used to. “You know the doctor I’ve been talking to about my migraines?”

“Yea,” Morgan said, recognition dawning on his face as he spoke her name. “Maeve? You’re…Did you…?”

“Not physically,” Spencer said, unsure whether physical or emotional cheating was worse. “But I fell in love with her. Y/N was uncomfortable with it, not that I blame her, I would have been too, but she told me to leave until I could figure out what I wanted.”

The tears stung at the corners of his eyes as he spoke, looking down at his desk, ashamed beyond words for how he’d hurt the woman he loved. “What is it about this other woman that made you fall for her? Does she feel the same way about you?”

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “And she did say she loved me, but it sounded like she slipped. There was something easy about how we spoke to each other, not better, but different than Y/N. She says I’m in awe of Maeve, and that’s how it happened. I think she may have been right. I just don’t know how to fix this.”

“What did Y/N say?”

“She believes I love her, but if I am to come back, I have to cut off all contact with Maeve.”

Morgan heaved a heavy breath. “How the fuck did this happen?” Not the Reid wasn’t a catch, but Morgan had never expected him of all people to be in this position.

“I don’t know.” The tears had started flowing, so he and Morgan walked to the staircase outside the BAU. “Do you have any advice?”

“The only thing I could think to say is to imagine your life without Maeve, and do the same with Y/N. How does each scenario make you feel?”

—-

At the time, what Morgan said seemed overwhelming, but over the course of the next few days, he sat in the park trying to think about life without Maeve and Y/N. He came to one undeniable conclusion. Life without Maeve didn’t change much for him, but life without Y/N felt hollow - even the thought of it almost made him sick. He imagined calling Maeve to tell her he couldn’t speak to her anymore, and although it hurt, it didn’t burn like the thought of leaving Y/N.

Without giving himself time to think, he picked up the phone and made the call.

“Hello?” In a perfect world, he would’ve maintained her as a friend, but he was aware that he couldn’t. “Spencer?”

He cleared his throat. “Yea, hi Maeve.”

“What’s wrong? You’ve been crying. I can hear it in your voice.”

“I can’t talk to you anymore.”

“What do you mean? Why?” She was hurt and he could immediately hear her voice strain. “I thought Y/N kicked you out?”

“She did. She told me to make a choice. I feel something for you. It’s more than friendship, but it’s not what I have with Y/N. I love her so much and I can’t imagine my life without her.”

“She’s making you choose? Why can’t we at least be friends?” 

He needed to conclude this call quickly. “She’s not making me choose. It’s my choice. I choose her. I want to marry her. I want a family with her. I want to grow old with her, and if I had my choice I would die the day before she did so I never had to live a day without her. I can’t thank you enough for helping me with my migraines, but I can’t be friends with you because there’s something else there, and I refuse to continue hurting Y/N. I’m sorry, Maeve.” With the words out, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “Goodbye.” When he hung up, he stood up from the bench and walked toward Morgan’s place. Tomorrow, with a full night’s rest, he’d go see Y/N and hope that he wasn’t too late.

—-

While he waited for the door to open, he prayed that the damage wasn’t already done. The door swung open. “What is it?” Tears were already forming in her eyes; he was pretty sure crying was all she’d been doing, and he hated himself for being the cause. “I don’t feel like doing this, so make it quick.”

“I-I don’t want her,” he stuttered. “I want you. I called her and told her I couldn’t see or talk to her ever again.”

“Did you…do you love her?” She asked, biting her lower lip to stave off tears.

“It was more than friendship. I think I loved her, but I wasn’t in love with her…I tried to imagine my life without her and it hurt but I knew I’d get over it.” Hearing him speak the truth brought on a fresh wave of tears, but she also looked relieved. “When I tried to imagine my life without you, I felt hollow. I want you, for the rest of my life…if you’ll have me of course.”

“You still know her phone number.”

“I do,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I can’t un-know it, but I will never, ever use it again. You can check my phone whenever you want. Whatever you need to do to trust me again, I’ll do it. I need you to know that I only want you.” He took her hand and placed it over his frantically-beating heart. The heat of her skin calmed him.

“Don’t make me regret letting you in,” she said. A small smile formed at the corners of her lips. “If I find out you ever had any contact with her again, we’re done.”

“I promise,” he said quickly. He caressed the side of her face and pressed his forehead to hers. “You’re all I want.”


End file.
